Saturday, September 18, 2010

Sick of it

So on Monday I came down with a stomach bug, vomiting, no appetite, etc.
I have not really gotten my appetite back, which is a good thing and I am
down a few pounds, so yay me. I even put ice cream in a bowl tonight, took
two bites, then ended up letting the rest melt and threw it away. If you know me, you know my issues with wasting and it was actually kind of a big deal for me to be able to throw it out, guilt free!

So now I am going to vent about a few other things. I am very frustrated with most of the relationships I have at the moment. I heard that having kids brought out your "real" friends and I will say that I never believed that, because that is NOT the kind of friend I am. I am not friends with people based on their life situations at the moment. If one of my friends had a kid before I had kids, then I was excited for them, and of course maybe the things we did together would change, but the friendship is still there. A good chunk of the people I talked to before having the baby (ie:went out drinking with) don't really talk to me anymore. And I can't lie, it does hurt, because these are people that I considered to be VERY good friends. But I notice it more and more that I am getting called, or having my calls returned, less and less. It is sad. While I can't do the same things I did before (going out until 3 am, etc) I am still the same person, I just have a baby now!
I am just to the point where I am sick of settling for things. I am sick of not having the life I dreamed of having...that I DESERVE to have. I can't put much more beyond that because I don't want to offend anyone in case they read this. But I am worth it and I do deserve it. This applies to my family as well. So for now, I am going to try to focus on myself (other than my son of course, he is always my priority). I will get healthy and I am going to do what I need to do to make this life the life I have always dreamed of having. If certain people don't care to join me in this then see ya later! Because I am going to be 35 this year and I still haven't done so many of the things I wanted to do. I am hoping to make changes for the better, beginning with my health. I have always settled and I am no longer going to do this.
So I am basically just frustrated tonight. I am sick of being thought of last when I put everyone else first. I am here people. I am important. If you don't know this already, then maybe it really is better if we all moved on.

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted to say I love you. I wish I were closer so we could still hang out and do things together.. with the baby, of course! Things shouldn't change with friends like that, but it does sometimes. I'm sorry it's happening to you. Just be strong and remember HE is the reason for keeping going no matter what comes at you.

    Put you and him first Jess. I'm 41. And its SO hard to make things better now. Don't let that be you. Be happy and be proud of yourself. You are an amazing woman and mother.